JAVS Spring 2023

Health and Wellness

Interdisciplinary Musical Insights, From a Clinical Social Worker by Neesa Sunar

Many of us violists have a particular story as to how we started playing our instrument in the first place. Perhaps one began their musical training as a violinist, then switched to the viola simply to help fill out a school orchestra, only to discover that it was more enjoyable to play! Or maybe a child was born into a musical family with stringed musicians, and they were given a viola fill out family chamber ensembles. For those who stick with the viola as a primary instrument, we come to love its melancholy aspect, its introversion, its ability to become invisible in an ensemble. And for us taller folks, the larger size is simply more comfortable and natural to play. My own transition to the viola occurred when I was eleven years old, for many of these reasons, yet sadder elements also influenced my choice. I’ll describe the circumstances, not to wallow in the past, but instead to share merely one example of how difficult life circumstances can positively lead to musical expression on the viola. In addition to being a violist, I am also a clinical social worker (LMSW in NY state) and a telehealth therapist. Thus, my reflections are not only informed by my musical playing and lived experience, but also by my professional judgment as a mental health worker. As a small child, I witnessed severe emotional violence between my parents, and I came to fear my father’s booming, shrill voice in the home. As a sound-oriented person, this was especially traumatizing. I also was bullied frequently in school and struggled with socializing and understanding nonverbal communication cues. (A lot of these difficulties were due to my being autistic, although I did not receive a diagnosis until my mid-thirties.) These adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) contributed to overall grief that weighed heavier with each passing year.

By age eleven, I had developed suicidal ideations and began going to therapy for major depressive disorder.

Around this time, I began rebelling against the violin. I didn’t like its high-pitched sound, I frequently complained that it hurt my ear. I played more difficult repertoire at this time, and I avoided practicing because the sound was overwhelming, I cried at times. In retrospect, I now know this experience to be the result of sensory overload, often experienced by autistic people. This is the experience of feeling overwhelmed by certain frequencies, which can lead to emotional dysregulation and physical discomfort. Fortunately, at this time I discovered the viola when playing in a small string ensemble at my music school. Switching to viola allowed me to continue playing music more comfortably. By sharing my story, I want to introduce a broader question for our community: What inspires us to take up the viola? By considering your own experience, you may learn more about your inner psyche, about who you were before you played the viola, then who you became after you started playing the viola. I think many of us can report a sort of metamorphosis or transition. This introspection can perhaps open the door for new conversations within our community. This self-awareness can also positively impact the interaction we have with students. Again, I will share my own experience as a singular example. I pursued a professional career in viola performance by attending conservatory at the college level at the Jacobs School of Music at Indiana University. Unfortunately, during my first year of masters studies, I developed first-episode psychosis, later diagnosed as schizoaffective

Journal of the American Viola Society / Vol. 39, No. 1, Spring 2023

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